My husband tends to throw his keys, wallet and watch at various spots as he walks into the house. There is no pattern to this. Except the next morning. While rushing to work he invariably cannot find one or the other. As a newly-wed I took great pride in telling him which corner of which shelf each item was. He loved how “observant” I was. I preened. As the years went by I began to find this morning drama irksome. He wasn’t bothering to keep away his stuff- despite my efforts at creating spaces for him to do so. He wasn’t even looking. He just stood in the middle of the house and yelled out “Have you seen my watch/wallet/keys?’ So now I started labelling him as lazy and inconsiderate. And the label became a part of several unrelated conversations that snowballed into arguments.
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